put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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