Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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