DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
