I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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