i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
