You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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