I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
