remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
