I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
