yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
