u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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