Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize