Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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