Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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