so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
