I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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