Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
