i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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