I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
