**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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