Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
