I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
