So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
