Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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