Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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