somebody snuck up and got me drunk
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
