dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
