I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
