I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
