oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
