What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
