It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
this hospital has no fireball
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
