Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
