Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
