No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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