How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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