either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
