I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
