If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
