you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
