I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
