apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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