Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
