Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
