I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
