someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
