i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
