I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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