i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
