how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The uberlube is also flammable
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
