butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
