duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
