its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dick very happy bro
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
