my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
